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SPY CLUB

While the FA’s Independent Disciplinary Commission’s investigation into the Southampton spying scandal is likely to be scrupulously impartial, Football Daily couldn’t help but wonder if assorted EFL blazers might have been pogoing in celebration to the post-punk stylings of Middlesbrough anthem Papa’s Got a Brand New Pigbag when Riley McGree fired his club in front at St Mary’s on Tuesday night. Unwittingly embroiled in an administrative mess that could scarcely be more absurd or ridiculous, a Boro win would have gone a long way towards helping the EFL temporarily sweep spygate under the rug. As luck would have it, Southampton came back to win the tie, so the options of just hitting them with a whacking great fine and/or points deduction should they be found guilty of espionage are no longer the only ones on the table. As things stand, Tonda Eckert’s team are off to play Hull City in a Wembley playoff final worth a gazillion pounds, but if Football Daily was Robbie Mustoe, Phil Stamp or any other Middlesbrough player, we wouldn’t be jetting off on our summer holidays just yet.

Since the spygate story broke last week, Southampton’s response has been to issue club statements that say little or nothing and plead for more time to get to the bottom of an unedifying matter that doesn’t seem even remotely complicated. They have neither admitted nor denied illegally spying on a Boro training session, but have repeatedly shoved their young head coach into hails of bullets under clear instructions not to discuss the only subject reporters are interested in asking him about. His latest press conference shut down abruptly when a crestfallen Eckert was advised to leave the room by a media handler after a journalist asked: “Are you a cheat?” One feels that whatever the answer to the question, the 33-year-old German must be seriously considering his position. “I will say something, but I just cannot say it now,” he told journalists minutes before his exit. “When the investigation is closed I will say something.”

Earlier, Eckert had to be stopped from getting all up in the grill of his opposite number, as he and Kim Hellberg received a touchline ticking-off for exchanging unpleasantries after Luke Ayling had reported Taylor Harwood-Bellis to the referee for allegedly mocking his speech impediment. Speaking after the defeat, Hellberg once again insisted that any rancour he harbours over spygate does not extend to Southampton’s players or the club’s blameless fans. “I think that it’s disgraceful,” he yelped of the palaver. “It makes me very sad. If we hadn’t caught that person, I would be sitting here thinking I should have done better things.” With this sorry but admittedly entertaining saga far from over, Boro may yet get an afternoon at Wembley. Or possibly their day in court.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Michael Butler at 8pm (BST) for updates on Manchester City 2-0 Crystal Palace, while Simon Burnton will be on hand at the same time with a clockwatch on a night when Hearts could only go and win the Scottish title.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Good afternoon, I regret to inform you that I’m not going to resign … I’m going to finish the bad people … leave the internal enemies to me … it would be bad to say I am the best president in history, but I am” – just a taster of Real Madrid chief suit Florentino Pérez’s mind-blowing rant at Valdebebas. Read Sid Lowe’s take on it here.

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS

Rochdale fans will no doubt be breathing a sigh of relief that Slavia Prague’s ultras (yesterday’s Football Daily breakout section, full email edition) have pinched their most ill-advised pitch invasion of the season award” – Jim Hearson.

The soccer cards aren’t in ‘very random places’ (yesterday’s Memory Lane, full email edition), they’re ordered by players’ surnames. Be disappointing if 1,056 others have pointed this out! The cards also include several players who didn’t actually make the squad and one, Paul Madeley, who turned a place down” – lan Burgess (and, oh yes, 1,056 others).

What does ‘jib off’ mean?” – John Leftwich.

If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Jim Hearson. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, are here. 

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

Join Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning and the Football Weekly pod squad as they discuss if the USA USA USA is ready for the Geopolitics World Cup.

MO GO ZONE

Mohamed Salah’s leaving of Liverpool enters its final days. The big leaving bash for players and managers took place on Tuesday night in a trendy city centre restaurant. Those papped outside included fellow departee Andy Robertson, who happily posed for photos with young fans and sporting director Richard Hughes, who exchanged a short word and a smile for, er, well-wishers. Arne Slot, meanwhile, left in something of a hurry, dashing into a waiting cab in the rictus manner of a cabinet member asked if the prime minister should stay on, so in a rush he was still chewing on a canapé. Is this a sign? Probably not.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Manchester United are set to speak to Michael Carrick about potentially staying at the wheel on a permanent basis.

Ben White’s knee-knack will not require surgery even if he is still likely to miss the rest of the Premier League season, the Bigger Cup and the Geopolitics World Cup.

Pep Guardiola will not be joining the AI revolution. “I saw on ChatGPT or the other ones, some statements and comments – and on Twitter – that I’d never done,” he wailed. “I remember a month ago [it said] ‘Pep chose the best 11 of his career.’ I’d never done that, I never did, and never would. I have more respect for all the players I had … that is dangerous, fake news and incredible things that have not happened.”

Daniel Levy is enjoying life away from Tottenham Hotspur (doesn’t everyone these days? – Football Daily Ed) and collected a CBE at Windsor Castle earlier.

Good news for fans visiting the USA USA USA for the Geopolitics World Cup: the price of a train ticket to New Jersey’s MetLife Stadium has been slashed to $98 while shuttle bus fares are down to $20 from $80. Fans can walk it (just about) if they really want to save cash.

Scotland are sweating on news of Tommy Conway’s fitness after the Middlesbrough striker left the field in tears after suffering unspecified knack in the Southampton play-off semi.

Ted Lasso actor Cristo Fernández has inked his name all over a contract to play for second-tier El Paso Locomotive FC, a professional club in the USA USA USA.

EFL clubs will vote this week on significant changes to their financial regulations that would widen the gap in spending power between the Championship and League One.

And congratulations to Max Dowman for winning the Premier League Home Grown Debutant of the Season gong. Congratulations also to the Premier League Home Grown Debutant of the Season winner, Rio Ngumoha. Football Daily is struggling to find the 2024-25 winners, so do get in touch if you know.

STILL WANT MORE?

Is the Neymar comeback on? Brazil boss Carlo Ancelotti gets his exclusive chat on with Thiago Rabelo.

Arne Slot: time to go? Or time to give him another chance? Opta analyst David Segar picks through the underlying numbers.

What was behind Manchester City’s WSL triumph? Personalised chopsticks and underwater treadmills might be the key, writes Tom Garry after a visit to the team’s snazzy new training centre.

And what is the greatest distance between two teams contesting a derby? The Knowledge knows.

MEMORY LANE

April 2000: Last weekend, Fulham celebrated the 25th anniversary of a 2000-01 First Division campaign in which they stormed the division with 101 points to become a Premiership (as was) club for the first time. Louis Saha was top scorer with 25 goals under the management of French compatriot and Euro 84 hero Jean Tigana, pictured here at his unveiling, replacing Paul Bracewell. Remember the names: Rufus Brevett, Luís Boa Morte, Bjarne Goldbaek, Sean Davis. The Cottagers did fairly well the next season, too, staying up comfortably, and remaining a top-division club until 2014.

0-25. OH, JON!