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THE BUBBLES BURST

After spending the best part of 30 years letting their own fans down, Everton chose Sunday afternoon to disappoint fans of almost every other Premier League team. David Moyes had one big chance to end a season that promised so much but ultimately fizzled out into nothingness on a high! Instead, while Leeds were holding up their end of the quid pro quo by letting West Ham steamroller them in east London, the scouse spoilsports couldn’t even manage a shot on target at Tottenham until the ninth minute of added time. Indeed, even if Tyrique George’s late drive hadn’t been saved by redemption’s Antonin Kinsky, it wouldn’t have counted for anything, because João Palhinha had already given Spurs a one-goal lead. And that was that. Spurs are safe and, after Hearts not winning the Scottish Premiership and Arsenal not bottling the title race, it was further evidence to suggest that many people with skin in the beautiful game are simply not allowed to have nice things.

Having successfully completed the mission he was drafted in to do seven games ago, Roberto De Zerbi immediately singled out a particular hack on the Tottenham beat he felt had not been positive enough about the prospect of writing up player ratings after Championship defeats at the hands of Lincoln City and Stoke next season. “Where is he?” he enquired. “The one who is always there at the Tottenham training ground. He was negative and I’m positive. But I want to hug him, not to fight. I have no energy to fight anymore.” A summer truce duly brokered, De Zerbi went on to say that Sunday’s win was far more important than last season’s Bigger Vase victory over Manchester United. That it was just as unpleasant to watch was neither here nor there, given survival was achieved. “I think we deserve to stay up, because we made 11 points in seven games and we deserved more,” honked the Italian. “From tonight, we have to start to organise and to build the new team.”

Having gone down with Burnley and Wolves, West Ham must also start to organise and build a new team. It is one that may or may not be coached by Nuno Espírito Santo, who remains in place for now but was summoned for a meeting with his employers on Monday; the board is said to be split on whether it wants the Portuguese to continue. It is also a team which is likely to be shorn of Jarrod Bowen, its standout player and any high-earning low achievers with delusions of grandeur they can fob off on other clubs in a bid to recoup some of the £105m of Declan Rice money (and the rest) they blew and are still paying out to assorted other clubs in annual instalments.

While the fortunes shelled out on your Kilmans, your Pablos and your Todibos may have proved a total waste of money, a lot of it still has to be paid. “West Ham spent a lot of money in the transfer market and they owed £196m in unpaid transfer fees at the end of 2025,” explained Football Daily’s favourite Brighton-supporting accountant and football finance expert Kieran Maguire on TalkSport earlier. “Those instalments have to be paid on a year-by-year basis and you do wonder where the cash is to pay them over the next 12 months.” One can only imagine how tight things will be the following year if they follow Luton and Leicester’s paths down to League One.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I don’t look at where players come from or their background. What matters are Spanish players who are proud to represent their country’s national team and to be part of a united nation” – Spain boss Luis de la Fuente there, confirming that the total of Real Madrid players in his Geopolitics World Cup squad is: 0.

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS

Before the season started I had a letter published which gently (?) mocked Granit Xhaka for joining Sunderland. Their (and his) spectacular season has proved me entirely wrong. If the prize for today’s letter o’ the day is a portion of humble pie then I think I should win it – and make it a large one” – Phil Taverner.

I’ve only followed the Premier League closely since Mo Salah joined Liverpool (could there be a link there?) and, from my distant vantage point of a TV screen thousands of miles away, it seemed at times that many people cared more about outrageous financial sins, outrageous pundit comments and outrageous refereeing than the actual football. But then my family gifted me a trip to the UK for my 70th, including tickets to the Mecca (Anfield). First came a visit to London Stadium to witness West Ham’s stoppage-time goal against Everton and maybe stay up. Oh. But being there to be part of the fans’ moment of joy was memorable. And a week later, singing YNWA at Anfield. That was enough to make up for the sleepwalk against Chelsea – at the end, the booing was clearly out of love for the team, not nastiness. To those of you who are there for every match, even in the rain and cold, yes, I’m jealous, but mostly I want to thank you for making football what it is, and for trying to fight the $$$ control despite the odds” – Steve Plever, North Carolina, USA (ugh) USA (ugh) USA (ugh).

If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day is … Steve Plever. Consider this your punishment, Phil. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, are here.

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

Get your ears around the latest episode of Football Weekly, as pod squad Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning, George Elek and Ali Maxwell deliver an EFL playoffs special, diving on the Wembley wins for Hull City, Bolton Wanderers and Notts County. Women’s Football Weekly is also live, with Faye Carruthers joined by Sophie Downey, Emma Sanders and Ayisha Gulati to reflect on Bunny Shaw’s shock U-turn and Barcelona’s dominant Bigger Cup final victory.

LEAVING ON A JET PLANE

With just five points separating 11th and sixth place in the Premier League Bournemouth and Sunderland edged out the chasing pack to secure Bigger Vase football next season. It will be the inaugural occasion that the Cherries embark on a major European campaign, while the Black Cats will travel to the continent for their first competitive action since 1973. Quite the way for Bournemouth’s departing Andoni Iraola to take his leave, with Cherries players and fans utterly delirious with joy in the Nottingham sunshine after their decisive 1-1 draw with Forest on the final day. Now the challenge for the south-coast club will be convincing their current crop of superstars – Rayan, Eli Junior Kroupi, Marco Senesi, Alex Scott, etc – not to follow their manager out of the door. Brighton hoovered up eighth to pip Brentford to Tin Pot qualification on goal difference.

CHAMPIONSHIP MANAGEMENT

Good news for Championship stewards next season: they will no longer have to police fierce Hull City fans singing “You’re getting mauled by the Tigers” to opposing fans after the Yorkshire club were promoted to the Premier League following their Wembley playoff final win over Middlesbrough. Bad news for Championship stewards next season: various relegations and promotions mean they are now going to have to oversee a generational run of animosity on the terraces, including (but not limited to) West Ham v Millwall, Burnley v Blackburn, Wolves v West Brom, Cardiff v Swansea, Southampton v Portsmouth, as well the newest and saltiest rivalry in the English second tier, Southampton v Boro, which should be a tasty affair after the Spygate scandal swept like a forest fire through the post-season. Hull managed to reach the playoffs with xG data that had them 23rd in the table with just 53 points but – much like a golfer who has just finished a round of 18 holes with Mr Woods – it’s hats off to the Tigers, who will be relieved to see their transfer embargo lifted this summer. “I have to say sorry,” sighed boss Sergej Jakirovic during the promotion party. “I was brought here with one job to do: keep Hull City in the Championship. I failed.”

Congratulations, too, are due for Bolton, who bicycle-kicked their way back into the second tier for the first time since 2019 after an intermediate period that featured administration, emergency loans, points deductions and a spell in League Two. Meanwhile, Notts County are back in League One, baby, after a 3-0 victory over Salford ended a 12-year hiatus from the third tier. The EFL remains unmatched, a VAR-less wonderland, and for everyone but those Championship stewards, next season is going to be absolutely box office.

RECOMMENDED LOOKING

David Squires creates a big ol’ set-piece bundle – featuring David Raya, Ian Wright and tear-drinking guy – to celebrate Arsenal’s title triumph.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Thomas Tuchel says he made Ivan Toney the wildcard selection of his GWC squad after clear-the-air talks. “After having another conversation with him and having very good feedback from his club coach and good feedback from the Euros in Germany, we decided to reopen the door,” cheered Tuchel.

Player wants to stay at Spurs: yes, João Palhinha is ready to settle down in north London and make his loan from Bayern a permanent move.

Napoli manager Antonio Conte is now just Antonio Conte after announcing his departure just 12 months on from winning Serie A. “I failed at one thing in Naples: I was unable to bring everyone together,” parped the Italian. “I saw too much poison, too much malice.”

In grown-ups news, Bruno Fernandes has accused Roy Keane of telling a “lie” about his pursuit of the Premier League assists record, after setting a new mark on the final day of the season with Manchester United.

Phil Neville has been shown the Portland Timbers’ door marked Do One. “This off-season we had pointed discussions about the areas we needed to build on and improve,” tooted Timbers suit Ned Grabovoy. “Ultimately, we have not seen the progress we’ve needed to, and most importantly, results have fallen well short of expectations.”

And getting shops to accept Scottish banknotes in England is about to become even harder, after the Bank of Scotland unveiled a limited-edition £20 note featuring Scott McTominay’s overhead kick against Denmark.

SEASON REVIEWS

Gorge on our Premier League season reviews and argue in the comments sections, with our nominees for managers, matches, signings, flops, players, goals, young players, broadcasters, and gripes of the season all live. There’s also the full writers’ awards for best and worst in the top flight, plus the story of the season, as beautifully told by 100 photos.

RECOMMENDED WATCHING

Through the medium of interpretative dance video, Taha Hashim, Billy Munday, Barry Glendenning and Will Unwin share their thoughts on a season that saw Arsenal win the league for the first time in 22 years.

RECOMMENDED SUBSCRIBING

Sign up for The Recap, our weekly roundup of editors’ picks, featuring highlights from our sport coverage over the past seven days and delivered to your inboxes first thing every Sunday morning. Don’t miss it.

MOVING THE GOALPOSTS

Our sister email’s latest edition is out now: Suzanne Wrack writes on how Michele Kang’s millions are dividing the women’s game but that Barcelona cannot take the moral high ground despite their latest WCL crown.

STILL WANT MORE?

Who can best stand the heat at the GWC? Rob Smyth has the answers in the latest edition of The Hotspot, our fortnightly newsletter on sport and the climate crisis, and argues why it will sort the winners from the losers.

The blame for West Ham’s shambolic slide to relegation sits at the feet of David Sullivan, writes Jacob Steinberg. while Barney Ronay argues that relegation was inevitable after the Hammers’ executive failure.

Meanwhile, it’s mission accomplished for Tottenham, who escaped an unfathomable relegation, but Jonathan Wilson thinks Roberto De Zerbi’s task for next season is not so clear.

On the more jubilant side of north London, Jonathan Liew is keeping things light: why Arsenal’s party embodies the metropolitan swagger and angst of a divided city.

Money talks in the Premier League, writes Jonathan Wilson, but this season showed a bit of nous can still elevate a club.

Nicky Bandini on the violence in Turin that overshadowed Como’s ascent to Bigger Cup under Cesc Fàbregas.

There was agony and ecstasy in La Liga, following a survival battle for the ages. Sid Lowe has the comprehensive lowdown.

Sardar Azmoun’s GWC absence for political reasons is dividing opinion in Iran, as John Duerden reports.

And is 3v3 the future of football? Paul MacInnes investigates.

Richard Foster charts Palace’s topsy-turvy road to Leipzig for the Tin Pot final.

Jamie Jackson on Pep Guardiola’s sold-out farewell bash, which featured Rodri swigging Tin, Noel Gallagher and … Michael Jordan.

And here’s James Nalton on the notion of Pep potentially following Lionel Messi to MLS and what it would mean for the game in the USA USA USA.

MEMORY LANE

November 2005: Happy birthday Luca Toni, 49 today! To celebrate one of football’s last great target men, here he is as a 28-year-old, posing bare-chested for a charity calendar, priced at just €5.90, with proceeds going to the Italian Association for Cancer Research. Toni was one of a number of Serie A superstars of the age who featured, with Inter trio Luís Figo, Javier Zanetti and Iván Córdoba also selected alongside Juve’s Alessandro Del Piero and Gianluca Zambrotta, Roma’s Vincenzo Montella, Palermo’s Andrea Barzagli and Milan trio, Pippo Inzaghi, Kaká and Andriy Shevchenko. Toni, then with Fiorentina, would finish the 2005-06 season as Serie A’s top scorer – the capocannoniere – and would win the World Cup with Italy that summer. What a year for the young man.

AND IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE, I’M GONE