www.silverguide.site –

One of the many people my husband’s clan and I invite to family celebrations isn’t related to us by blood or marriage. He isn’t dating one of us, he hasn’t met any of us, and none of us – were he to attend – would know his face. But from time to time he gets an invite to a birthday of someone he has never met and is asked to bring a plate.

He has never come, but he always responds with excitement and warmth. He’s not technically “one of us”, but he shares a surname with some of us and over years earned himself the ultimate sign of group acceptance: a nickname.

His name is Benjamin but to us he’s “The Wrong Benny”.

It started more than 10 years ago, when one of my sisters-in-law – the one who’s married to “The Right Benny” – emailed her parents, her siblings, their partners and, she thought, her husband to suggest a celebration for two birthdays.

Among the replies included: “hi guy, i think you got the wrong benny in your mailing list! greetings from germany, benny.”

I replied to ask whether he would like to host the gathering. “i looooove birthdays. everyone can come! i live in cologne, just ask for ‘benny’!”

Two months later, when planning another celebration, someone else made the same mistake.

“I suggest that we celebrate again in my very small apartment in cologne. it was a very nice celebration the last time!”

After that we emailed the “right” Benny for several years. But in 2018, when I was inviting everyone to the Botanical Gardens for our youngest son’s birthday, I accidentally emailed “The Wrong Benny” again.

“Yaaaay! Please pick me up at the port. Can you bring a towel? I already bought a balloon! (slightly used) I am proud and happy to be part of your family. Somehow. Take care & Love”

It was an accident, a case of selecting an email address that was just one letter different from the “right” one, but I was glad. By now we spoke of this funny, sweet, no-longer-quite-a-stranger with affection. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t show up at the Botanical Gardens but, to be fair, we didn’t show up at the port.

Years passed. And then someone used the “wrong” address again.

“Yaaaaay! That’s what I call a comeback after so many years!”

As with every other time, I wondered if The Wrong Benny would ever visit. I was quietly confident that if he did he’d tell us, and he’d agree to let us hold a party in his honour.

I realised I’d missed an opportunity when visiting my sister in Berlin the year before – I was a mere four-hour train trip from Cologne.

Maybe I’ll try next time. But for now, I’ll document his friendship with our family for the same reason he replied to us repeatedly and we to him: for the fun of it.

For the fun of it; and to dwell on it. In a world that frequently feels dangerous, disconnected, dark; in a place where love and light are such a balm; I want to dwell on – soak up, savour, share – delight.

I want to dwell on the delight of accidentally “meeting” a different person from a different city and country and time zone, and not feeling as though they’re different at all. One of my family’s “friends” is a guy we’re not related to and haven’t met. But we’ve made each other smile. Of all the wonders of the internet, is any one as wondrous as this?

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Von: Emma


Hey all!

I’ve decided the story of “The Wrong Benny” is a story that deserves to be told! And I’ve taken it upon myself to tell it! (Wrong) Benny, if you don’t mind, I’ll see if anyone will publish it (this is me when I’m at work).

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From: Benjamin

Dear Emma,

I am thrilled and deeply moved. I have long believed that someone should write a report about me and my highly interesting personality. And now it is finally coming true (in a way). Three cheers for coincidence and confusion!

I am very happy that I am invited back again and again; you are truly loyal souls.

I’m going through a bit of a difficult time here in Cologne and have already considered whether a long break in Tasmania might do me good.

I would send myself as a parcel and would of course need a reputable postal address in Tasmania for that.

Take care, be kind to each other, and see you sometime soon.

(The wrong) benny.

• Emma Wilkins is a Tasmanian journalist whose freelance work has appeared in newspapers, magazines and literary journals in Australia and beyond